Never Again Without
by ShayaSar
Summary: A trip to a planet ends in disaster. Trip!Whump. Slash ArcherTrip. NC17
1. Chapter 1

New A/N on 26/02/10: This was one of my first written stories... and you can tell. But at the moment, I'm not really in the mood to give it the much needed overhaul. I hope you enjoy reading it anyway, it's really not that bad LOL

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**This wasn't good. Archer looked around and saw several weapons pointed at them.

"Chancellor, I believe there is a mistake." Trying the diplomatic way at first, was always the best. If it's only a misunderstanding, maybe they can talk themselves out of it.

"No mistake, Captain." Chancellor Gregorus signalled one of his men. Archer didn't put up a fight as he was relieved of his scanner and his communicator. A quick sideglance at Trip showed him, that the Commander was stripped of his equipment as well. They hadn't brought any weapons as the Chancellor requested. Now thinking about it, Jon knew that it wasn't the smartest move to comply with this request. Their experience should have taught them better. But now it was too late.

"What do you want?"

"Your cooperation." Signalling his men again, Archer and Trip were grabbed.

Enough diplomacy, Jon thought and swirled around using his elbow to punch one of the men in the face. Trip saw the movement of his Captain and followed suit. Throwing himself suddenly backwards, he surprised the man behind him and pushed him to the ground. The second was felled with a well directed punch to the jaw.

Archer managed to throw another one over his shoulder, when he was tackled, but they were outnumbered six to two. Soon they were both on the ground, struggling against the hands, which pressed them down. Their arms were forcefully pulled behind their backs and tightly secured with a rope around the wrists. Blindfolds were put around their eyes.

"Don't resist, Captain. It would be better if you choose to cooperate."

"Go to hell," Trip snarled in the direction of the chancellor and was rewarded with a kick in the ribs, which caused him to moan and curl himself together.

"Leave him alone!" Archer couldn't see, but it was enough to hear his friend groan in pain. "What do you want? For what do you need my cooperation?"

"I want Enterprise," Gregorus said simply. "Bring them to the cells."

Hands grabbed the two men and hauled them up. Archer only almost toppled over when a hand shoved him forward. Trip didn't have the same luck, he heard his friend stumble and the dull sound when a body hit the floor, followed by another moan.

"Get up!" Two men grabbed Trip and hauled him to his feet again.

"Get your hands off of him!" Archer shouted and got a punch in the face as response.

"Be silent and keep walking."

A hand closed around his arm and he was dragged along, stumbling every now and then. Not able to see where they were going, Archer tried to rely on his other senses. They went down a long flight of stairs and the air became cooler the longer they descended. The sound of another pair of feet stumbling along, told him that Trip was still with him. The occasional moan offered the additional knowledge, that the guards weren't very squeamish when it came to handling his friend.

By reaching the bottom of the stairs, Jon almost tumbled over when there wasn't another step anymore as expected. The hand on his arm tightened its grip, so it was almost painful and continued to drag him along. Archer noticed the temperature had sunken a few degrees more and there was a smell in the air that wasn't promising.

After a few meters, his guard suddenly hauled him around and shoved him face forward into a wall. Dizzy from hitting his head he felt how his bindings were loosened, but before he could take his chance he was hauled back and a second later pushed forward again. Expecting another wall, he stumbled over his feet when there was none. He crashed to the ground and a moment later another body landed on top of him and a door was closed with a bang.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok, this one might be a little short, but it's a story containing of cliffhangers lol At least I promise an regularly update :)

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"Sorry, Cap'n," Trip said and moved away from his superior officer, pulling the blindfold from his head.

Archer needed a moment to find his bearings after he also pulled his blindfold off. They were in a small room with rough stonewalls and no windows. A bucket stood in one corner, a dirty torn up mattress lay in the other. When he looked at Trip, he knew his commander had taken his surroundings in as well.

"I don't think this accommodation was mentioned in the invitation," Trip joked and stood up to examine the door.

Archer used the wall as support as he stood up. It was wet. "Maybe we should have read the fine print."

"Yeah, maybe. We should remember that for the next time, we think of visiting another species without taking weapons with us." Trip sighed and finished his examination of the door. "There is nothing here, Cap'n. It's just as if the door is part of the wall."

"We will find a way out."

"Aye, Cap'n." Trip knew Archer only wanted to comfort him and he appreciated it. "What is Gregorus expecting from you? He can't seriously think, you will help him to seize Enterprise."

"I don't know. But I do know T'Pol will try to contact us in a few hours, when we're overdue."

"I hope she will kick the hell out of..." Trip didn't finish when the door was opened and Chancellor Gregorus entered, followed by three of his men.

"Captain Archer, I hope you find your quarters suitable," he asked with a smug grin.

"Yes, very nice, thank you." Archer wasn't going to be intimidated by the other man.

"Have you thought about my request?"

"To help you seize Enterprise?" Archer smiled and tilted his head. "Hm, tough question, indeed. Let me think." The smiled vanished and he looked the Chancellor directly in the eye. "You won't get anywhere near my ship!" He made a step forward, but was stopped immediately by one of the guards, who fired his phase gun at him.

"Cap'n!" Trip shouted when he saw Archer going down. He turned to tend to his Captain but the other two guards got hold of his arms and pulled him back.

The Chancellor squatted down to meet Archer's eyeline, who was panting heavily to suppress a moan, but had managed to prop himself up on one elbow. "Too bad, you won't cooperate. Maybe I can persuade you." He stood up again. "Take the commander." That said, he left the room, followed by his men, who dragged a struggling Tucker with them.

"Leave him alone!" Archer had a feeling, he wouldn't have said that the last time.

"Don't help 'em, Cap'n." Archer heard Trip's shouting voice before the door closed again.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Let's get going :)

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The silence was crushing. His chest ached, where the phase gun had hit him. But the thought, what would happen to Trip was overpowering. Archer crouched to the wall to use it as support again and once standing he pressed his forehead against the cool and damp stone. His head was spinning and he had a hard time to keep himself upright. When the dizziness faded he straightened up again and turned to the door. Maybe Trip had missed something. Archer doubted it, but he couldn't just sit and wait. He needed to occupy his mind with something to keep it from producing disturbing images of what happened to Trip right now.

His fingers were just feeling for a hidden console when a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the complex. Jon froze. He knew the voice, he would recognize it everywhere. Anger and panic welled up inside him. He stopped his tentative search and started hammering on the door. "Stop it! Leave him the hell alone. If you want to torture somebody, take me. I'm the commanding officer." A second scream erupted from somewhere in the complex. It told about horrible pain and fear. Archer only pounded harder against the door, not caring for his hands. Not caring for abrasing and tearing his skin. He shouted on top of his lungs. Demanding them to stop the torture of his chief engineer and take him instead. But no one answered his calls. There was one more scream and then silence. The silence was almost as loud as the piercing screams before. At least it seemed so.

Archer stopped hammering against the door and listened intently. But he heard only his own blood rushing in his ears and his heart pounding like mad. He needed to calm down. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember the breathing technique T'Pol had shown him once. He steadied his breathing. In and out. In and out. Slowly. A sound from the other side of the door distracted him and his eyes shot open again. He felt the locking mechanism of the door moving and stepped back, ready to attack everyone who would step through that door.

When the door swung open, he was all tensed up, fists raised, but he hadn't the chance to relieve his anger on someone. A motionless Trip was thrown in and the door closed immediately. Archer managed barely to catch his friend.

"Trip!" He carried Tucker to the mattress and carefully laid him down on it. At first glance, his friend seemed unharmed, but he was unconscious and the screams from earlier on told their own story. So he quickly examined Trip for any injuries, but for his unprofessional hands the other man seemed ok. Except for the temperature. Trip was emanating heat as if he was burning up inside.

Jon sat back on his heels for a moment and wiped his hand over his face. He really needed to calm down. "Come on Jon, think. What have you learned in survival training?" He took a few deep breaths before he tended to Trip again. He opened the zipper of Trip's jumpsuit and pulled his friend to a sitting position. With some effort he managed to wrestle the resisting material of the jumpsuit down over Trip's shoulders. Holding him that close to his own chest, Archer felt the heat emanating from Tucker's body even more.

He rested Trip's weight against his chest and tugged at the Commander's undershirt. "Come on Trip, gimme a little hand here." Handling the unconscious body of his friend proved to be more difficult than he had thought, but eventually he managed to pull the undershirt off and laid his friend back on the mattress, carefully supporting his head. When he sat up again he wiped his forehead. Despite the coldness in their cell, he sweated profusely. But when his gaze fell on Trip's chest, his blood ran cold as ice. "


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for making you wait, RL got in the way

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Two big round wounds were emblazoned on Trip's chest, a third on his stomach. The skin showed an aggressive red and told of mutilation. When Jon held his hand over one of the wounds he felt the heat emanating from it. The wounds were already inflamed. Silently cursing this mission, Gregorus and everything in general, Archer looked around for anything to apply to the wounds. When he remembered where they were, he sighed and looked at Trip again. The other man hadn't moved since they brought him back in. Only the slow raising and falling of his chest indicated, he was still alive.

Archer gave the wounds a closer look. In the middle of each red circle was an even redder spot covered with dried blood. A sudden thought shot through Archer and he hauled his friend to a sitting position again. When his gaze fell on Trip's back, his nightmares came true. The same three circles were emblazoned on the back. Either they had driven something straight through Trip's body or he had been pinned between. Archer felt the anger well up again.

Not able to do much, he used Trip's undershirt to soak up some of the water that dribbled down the walls and put the wet shirt on his friend's forehead in an attempt to cool the Commander down a little. Archer feared to strip him further, knowing perfectly well that Trip's condition could change rapidly from burning up to freezing. And he didn't intend to make Trip even more vulnerable in front of their captors as he already was.

Deprived of anything else to do, Jon sat down next to Trip's head so he could monitor the Commander's condition and re-wet the shirt on his forehead every once in a while.

The minutes went by slowly and stretched to hours. No one came to check in on them. It gave Archer plenty of time to think. He didn't worry for himself, but for Trip. Fact was, he would never help Gregorus to get Enterprise, even if it meant losing his life. He knew Trip would do the same, but it was another thing if Gregorus tortured Trip to get Archer to do what he wanted. To be honest, it terrified him, to be the cause of pain inflicted on Trip. Trip had been his friend for the last few years. He had liked the younger man from the first time they've met. He appreciated how Trip always spoke his mind, although it would often get him into trouble. Jon smiled by the thought of their many arguments. In the end, they mostly came to an agreement, it was only on rare occasions that Jon had to pull his rank and order Trip to step back. He also admired Trip's curiosity and the almost childlike look on the world sometimes. It was because of that, Jon always felt protective over his friend. There was another reason, Jon needed to admit but had buried that deep inside of him. It wasn't appropriate and would destroy their friendship as well as cloud his judgement and influence his behaviour around Trip.

Lost in his thoughts he suddenly felt Trip stir. His body started to tremble and shake. When Archer felt for Trip's temperature he realized with a start that the body of his friend was cold. Much too cold. He acted quickly and pulled Trip up again to slip his arms back in the jumpsuit and pulled the zipper up. He knew that it wouldn't be enough so he laid down besides Trip and pulled him in his arms, hoping his own body heat was enough to warm his friend. Trip was shaking badly.

"Come on buddy, you can make it through this. I'm here for you." Archer tightened the embrace and spoke soft words of assurance into his Commander's ear. Slowly the shaking subsided and Archer felt Trip relaxing. "Trip, can you wake up for me?"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Again sorry for making you wait. But please don't be angry with me and please send me feedback?

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First there was no reaction, but Archer felt Trip's heartbeat quicken and the breathing getting erratic. He was just beginning to think that it was a bad idea to wake Trip up, when the younger man started to shake again. Archer tightened his embrace when he felt Tucker struggle against it.

"Trip, calm down. It's me. I won't hurt you." This time his words had no effect. The Commander struggled even more, becoming slowly awake. Moans full of fear and pain escaped his lips.

"No, no, please, stop. Let me go." The desperation was clearly shown in Trip's voice and he still tried to get away from his commanding officer.

The pleading voice of his friend cut deep. Archer didn't know what to do maybe it would help, if Trip saw his face. So he released his friend from his embrace. Trip instantly crawled away from him and curled himself up to a ball. Sobbing quietly.

It broke Archer's heart to see his friend like this. He swore to himself, Gregorus would pay for inflicting so much pain on Trip.

Slowly approaching Trip, Archer spoke in a soft voice. "Trip, it's me. You don't have to be afraid. I won't hurt you." He stretched out his hand and touched the other man slightly on the shoulder. The touch caused a chain reaction, making Trip flinch away and scream in panic and pain. A heartbeat later Tucker threw a blind punch in Archer's direction and achieved a perfect hit that knocked Archer from his feet. In his agony Trip came to his feet and made a run for the door, only to realize that it was closed. When he started to hammer against the steel door, Archer got up and grabbed Trip to haul him around.

"Trip, stop it! Look at me, it's Archer!" He shook the younger man at the shoulders and finally got him to look him in the eye, instantly getting a reaction. Trip's eyes widened in surprise and he stopped struggling against Archer's grip.

"Cap'n?" Relief and joy washed over Trip's face and a moment later Archer found himself in a powerful embrace.

Unsure what to make of this, he returned the hug. Archer knew this reaction was due to the torture, Trip had to endure, so he suppressed the hope that wanted to surface. He pushed his feelings back and just held his Commander. "Trip, what did they do to you?" he asked finally.

"I thought you were dead. They told me, you've helped them to seize Enterprise and they killed you afterwards."

"You know I would never do that."

"Well, they were very convincing and after a few months, I started to believe them."

"A few months? Trip, what are you talking about, you were only with them for about an hour." Archer pushed him back to look him in the eyes. The confused expression told him everything he needed to know. "They did some sort of brain washing," he whispered more to himself than directed at Trip.

"How is that possible? All that happened in the last six months was a lie? But I remember everything, the long hours alone in this cell, the cold, the hunger, the..." Trip trailed off at this point and lowered his head and couldn't look his captain in the eye. Instead he started shaking again.

"The torture?"

"Well, apparently there was no torture unless this is some new mind game." Trip's head shot up and he looked suspiciously at Archer. "Who are you?" Slowly he stepped backed, his gaze never leaving Archer. "I won't tell you anything. You can torture me as long as you want." His voice was steady, but the fear shone through.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, I think I can provide updates faster now. But please send me some feedback? Or is the story so horrible, you cannot think of any:o)

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"Trip, it's really me." Archer took a step in Trip's direction.

"Stay where you are!" Holding his hands out in defense Trip stepped a few more steps back until his back hit the wall. The light connection caused him to let out a painful scream and double over.

Archer started instantly to move. "Trip!"

"No!" Tucker managed to stand upright again, one arm pressed to his body for support, the other outstretched to keep Archer from coming near him. "Don't!" Panting heavily, Tucker tried to ignore the pain that ran all over his back, the piercing agony that felt like stabbing knives.

"Trip, please!" It broke Archer's heart to see his friend in so much pain. "Please let me help you. I'm not a mind game. Please trust me."

"Why should I?" Grimacing with pain, Trip had to use all his strength to remain upright. "You left me behind to rot in this place!"

"You know I would never do that! Please believe me, when I say, that everything they told you was a lie. I didn't help them to get to Enterprise. You can see for yourself that I'm alive. They told you they killed me, didn't they?" Archer had a hard time to keep his voice in check, he had to convince Trip to trust him and therefore he could not afford to show the fear he was feeling. And he could see it was working, Trip had lowered his hand and watched him intently.

"Yes they did." Trip's voice was very low, barely audible.

"Yet, here I am, talking to you. It's really me Trip I'm not a mind game. Ask me anything, anything only I could know."

There was still doubt in Trip's face. He frowned, thinking hard for a question. The pain roared through his body and kept him from focusing. He blinked a few times. "What did we do before that slimy, white tentacle creature attacked us in Cargo Bay 2?"

Archer grinned, remembering the water polo game they were watching. Remembering how he let Trip in on the rules of the game. "We watched a game of water polo."

"What game?"

"The finals, Texas against Stanford."

There was still doubt clearly readable in Trip's face.

"Come on, ask me another question." Archer made a small step towards his Chief Engineer holding his hands out to show he wouldn't hurt Trip.

Trip's condition grew worse, his face was pale to start with, but now every colour had drained from it. "What..." Trip had to close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. It was getting harder to keep his thoughts in a straight line. "What was the name of the moray?"

"The moray?" Archer felt Trip's wary eyes on him. Damn, what was he talking about? Then it hit him. Trip had taught him diving in the Keys in Florida. He had lured him to a cave where a very old moray was living. What was his name again? Archer cursed silently and tried to remember. Finally the name sprang to his mind. "Waldo!"

Trip smiled weakly. Finally he seemed to believe him. Archer saw his friend lowering his head and starting to sway. He was at Trip's side the second the other man started to collapse. Carefully supporting his weight, he helped Trip over to the mattress and laid him down.

"What is going on here, Cap'n?" Now not having to fight anymore, his body shut down. Trip felt the fatigue catching up with him, but he needed to know. "Is Enterprise still save?"

"Yes Commander. Enterprise is still save. I'm proud of you, you obviously held your own and didn't tell them anything."

"How could you possibly know that?" Trip felt so weak, he only wanted to sleep and wished the pain to go away. "I've been here for six months..."

"No, Trip. You were gone for maybe an hour. No more."

Having a hard time to keep his eyes open, Trip shook his head. "That can't be true."

"Trust me. I have no idea, what they did to you, but believe me, when I tell you, you haven't been here for the last six months. We have only been here for a few hours. By now T'Pol will have tried to reach us and is no doubt mounting some sort of rescue." Archer smiled at Trip. "You just have to hold on a little longer." He really wanted to take Tucker in his arms to give him some sort of comfort, but Archer was afraid, that would only cost his friend more pain. So he let him rest on the mattress. "Try to sleep, Trip."

Relieved to be finally allowed to close his eyes, Trip happily complied. Maybe it was all a dream and he would wake up in his quarters. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Still no feedbacks sigh

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Archer watched his Commander slip into sleep out of pure exhaustion. He swore to himself again that Gregorus would pay. Now that he didn't have to keep his face straight in front of Trip anymore, he gave in his feelings. His heart clenched when his fingers traced the deep lines in Trip's face. It was his fault. He should have taken Malcolm with him, or T'Pol. It had been a first contact mission, but there was no need for the engineer to go down. He took Trip with him purely because of the fact Trip asked him. Their last away mission was weeks ago and Trip was running laps, hankering for an opportunity to leave engineering for a while. Archer knew he could never have anticipated that the Chancellor had no intention at all for a first contact. He already knew about Archer and Enterprise. He should have listened to Malcolm's concerns when the Chancellor asked them to bring no weapons. Should have... Archer sighed. There was no point now in regretting the past. What's done, is done. He had to focus on bringing them both back alive.

Feeling the stress of the last few hours on his body as well, Archer decided, rest wouldn't be such a bad idea. He pondered if he should take the cold floor or use the free space on the mattress. In the end his body won over his fears and he stretched out next to Tucker, carefully keeping a save distance between himself and the Commander.

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Archer had no idea how much time had passed when a sound from the door woke him. Getting his bearings quickly he got to his feet and positioned himself between the door and the still form of Commander Tucker. He watched the door open and a grim expression set on his face, when Gregorus and his men entered the cell.

"Good morning, Captain," Gregorus smiled and folded his hands in front of him. "Have you come to a decision?"

"I won't help you, Chancellor."

"Too bad. Obviously you need some more convincing." After a short nod to the guards two of them headed for the Commander.

"You've done enough to him, leave him alone." Archer waited till the first guard was in his reach and threw out a punch. He got lucky and managed to kick the other one in the knee before Gregorus shot him again with the phase gun. The effect ran through his body and it felt like every neuron in his body was on fire. Groaning, Archer sank to the ground.

"That wasn't the wisest thing to do, Captain." Gregorus signalled his men. "Take them both."

The two guards, whom Archer had managed to strike down, shot him murderous glances but passed by him and grabbed Tucker instead. The rough movement shook the man awake and a painful groan escaped his lips.

"Just leave him here, you have me." Archer didn't like how weak his voice sounded, but it was all he could manage to say before two other guards grabbed him as well and dragged him from the cell. 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Maybe I should put a warning for a disturbing picture on this chapter...

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The sight of Trip's limp form being dragged through the corridors broke Archer's heart, but it fuelled his anger as well. These bastards would pay.

The guards had twisted his arms painfully behind his back, but this time they didn't blindfold him, so he tried to make a map of the place in his mind. However, the corridors looking all the same didn't quite help his attempt.

After they rounded another corner, Gregorus stopped in front of a door and turned to Archer with a superior smile. Archer didn't know what to make of this, but he should find out quickly.

Trip had lifted his head and took one look at the door. His whole body tensed up and he frantically began to struggle to get away. "No, please!" His scream was filled with panic and pain.

It was enough for Archer to see red. He used all his strength to throw himself back at his guards. With surprise on his side, he managed to knock them down, unfortunately he stumbled as well. Landing on top of the guards, he used his position to knock the men beneath him with his elbows to the head. Succeeding in disabling the guards for the moment, Archer got to his feet again. He froze in his movement when his gaze fell on Trip and the Chancellor. Gregorus held his phaser to Trip's head. The blonde man was paralyzed and his blue eyes begged Archer to help him. It tore Jon in two to see his friend like this.

"I suggest you stop your stupid escape attempt or I'll shoot Commander Tucker right here and now." The Chancellor took one step closer to Trip and grabbed the man by the hair to pull his head back. Trip gave a frightened and pained yelp and tried to get to the hand in his hair, but the two guards at his sides were holding him in place.

Archer watched helplessly how Gregorus stepped directly behind the Commander, pulling the head of the terrified man even further back, the hand with the weapon sliding around Tucker's waist. Trip started to tremble, panic in his eyes. Archer, filled with rage, confusion and fear at the same time, saw the agony in his friends face and made a step forward. He was immediately stopped in his forward momentum when Gregorus yanked back Trip's head and the tormented man cried out.

"Leave him alone!" Archer was boiling with rage.

Gregorus smiled a vicious smile, his face close to Trip's, their cheeks almost touching. "Maybe I should kill him right now. Maybe this would convince you to help me. But then..." Gregorus trailed off, the hand with the gun absently caressing Trip's stomach. "Your commander has proven quite resistant and I can only guess you will be at least as unwilling to spoil information." Trip was squirming under the touch of the Chancellor, his face a grimace of disgust and fear.

"Let him go!" Archer's voice could have cut through stone, his fists clenching and unclenching.

"I don't think so," Gregorus voice was as cold as Archer's. "I think, you will consider helping us once we start Mr. Tucker's treatment again." After a nod from Gregorus, Archer realized the guards he had knocked down were back on their feet. They rewarded him with several blows to his kidneys and dragged him to his feet again, after he had gone down.

Archer's gaze never left Trip. The younger man was still in the way too intimate embrace of the Chancellor, his body all tensed up and now violently shaking. Archer would never forget his haunted eyes. 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: You will hate me.. I know it... I'm sorry?! But I'll update quickly, promise!

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Finally Gregorus let go of Trip and opened the door. In walking through, he turned and looked at Archer. "I'm sure you're going to enjoy the show."

The guards followed with the two men behind him. Archer's blood ran cold when he entered the room and saw what was in it. Two shackles were hanging from the ceiling, a strange machine stood next to them. The machine consisted of two opposite panels with each three spines. Archer knew immediately what they were used for, he remembered the punctured wounds on Trip's body. He didn't believe he could get any angrier, but he was mistaken.

Trip's reaction at seeing the machine was different. He snapped out of his paralyzed state and started again to struggle against the grip of the guards. "No, please. Let me go. I beg you." The terrified high-pitched voice of his friend cut through the room. Archer's guards were more aware this time and had him in a tight grip.

The guards responsible for Trip had no problem to drag the weakened man to the shackles. They pulled the zipper of his uniform open and pulled the jumpsuit down over his shoulders. Trip screamed in terror and tried to go away, but his hands were mercilessly yanked to the shackles and secured.

Archer couldn't watch this. He struggled against his guards not caring what would happen to him. He couldn't let Trip be hurt again. "Leave him, please! Take me instead."

"What would be the point in that?" Gregorus asked him puzzled. "You will suffer far more by watching. And I might add, you are in the position to end this. Just tell me, what I want to know and the Commander can return to the cell."

Archer shot him a deadly gaze, the hatred washing in waves through his body. He couldn't get Enterprise in danger. He was obliged to keep his ship and his crew save. But didn't that apply to Trip as well? Didn't that apply to the man he loved? Jon was torn between his personal feelings and the knowledge about what was his duty. He gave Trip a desperate look and was surprised at what he saw in his friends face. Understanding. Trip knew what was at stake. Even in this state, he knew that Archer couldn't comply with Gregorus demands. A wave of gratefulness accompanied by sadness washed through Jon. On the one hand, he was relieved that Trip would understand, on the other hand he felt more than guilty for letting this all happen.

"So what shall it be, Captain?"

Archer steeled himself for what he was about to say. A last glance at Trip, pleading for forgiveness, and he turned to the Chancellor. "I won't help you."

Gregorus had the grace to look surprised. "That was unexpected, but most definitely not your last word on the subject." He nodded to his men, who still stood besides Trip. The men instantly went into gear and pulled the machine to Trip, while the Chancellor went to a console at the wall. When the guards started to put Trip between the panels, all hell broke loose... 


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Ok, here we go :) No cliffhanger at the end, at least not really. But maybe a warning for a very disturbing image...

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The door burst open and Malcolm entered with two of his men. The rescue party immediately opened fire and hit the two guards at Trip's side. However, Gregorus managed to shoot one of Malcolm's men and hid behind his console. Archer used the chaos to overthrow one of his guards and twist out of the grip of the other, but not without sending a well directed punch to his face.

"Captain!" Malcolm still stood at the door, not able to fire at the guards at Archer's side out of fear to hit his Captain.

Archer didn't hear his tactical officer his mind was focused on Trip. He ran to his friend and managed to get one of his hands free of the shackles when his legs were kicked out underneath him. The guard, he had thrown to the ground was still very much able to hold his own and threw a punch at Archer. They both rolled over the ground. Malcolm took out the second guard with a shot of his phaser and was about to run to his Captain when a phaser shot almost hit him, but struck down his second man. A quick glance to the console the Chancellor was hiding behind he laid himself some cover fire and closed the last meters to his fighting Captain. Malcolm took a deep breath and aimed carefully. When he had a clear shot, he pulled the trigger and stunned the guard.

Rolling the unconscious body from his chest with some effort Archer got to his feet.

"Captain, I don't think we have finished our conversation!"

Archer's head snapped around and his gut twisted at the sight before him. Gregorus had Trip in his grip, a weapon trained on his head again.

"Let him go." Archer's voice was cold as ice.

"I don't think so. The commander is my insurance to get out of this room alive." Gregorus tightened his grip and caused Trip to groan in pain. The blue eyes were focused on Archer, pleading, begging for help.

"Malcolm give me your gun." Without taking his gaze off Trip, Archer held his hand out. Malcolm hesitated only a second before he placed his phaser in Archer's hand.

"Don't do anything foolish, Captain." Gregorus warned, but his voice wasn't that superior anymore.

"I'm not the one, who is doing something foolish. Release my Chief Engineer. Now!" Archer slowly lifted the hand with the gun and aimed it at the Chancellor. His feelings were in uproar and he had a hard time to concentrate, but he owed it to Trip to be in charge of this situation now. He needed to be the rational Captain.

"You won't shoot and risk hurting Mr. Tucker." Laughing nervously Gregorus tightened his grip around the Commander. Archer hated it, how the Chancellor touched Trip's bare skin with his hand, he hated it how it affected his friend. He had never seen Trip so frightened, the younger man trembled in panic, his eyes wide open. The fear was clear to see, but there was also trust. Archer could see the trust, Trip had in him. It only fuelled his desire to punish the Chancellor.

"I'm not aiming at him." Archer's voice was steady and clear. No emotion. He didn't even blink when Gregorus yanked Trip's head back again. No reaction when Trip screamed in pain.

Malcolm made a step forward he couldn't believe what was happening before his very eyes.

"Release him." Almost whispering, Archer hissed his command.

"Why? The boy is only a toy. But maybe you want a toy?" The Chancellor grinned madly and licked across Trip's cheek. The terrified man gasped in disgust and panic, trying to get away from his tormentor, but his still shackled hand prohibited further movement.

Archer felt the hatred burning inside him, but at the same time he felt a cold calmness. He tightened his grip around the weapon, having made sure before the phaser was set to kill. In the second Gregorus was looking at him again, Archer pulled the trigger. The particle beam shot through the room and hit the Chancellor straight in his forehead, burning its way inside.

The man collapsed instantly and hit the floor like a stone. A puddle of blood immediately formed around his head.

Trip gave a strangled scream and was shaking even more, his legs buckled beneath him and with a last glance at Archer he gave in to the strain on his body and soul and welcomed the darkness of unconsciousness.

Seeing his friend collapse, Archer let go of the weapon in his hand and closed the few steps to Trip. Carefully he slid one arm around the Commander's waist to support his weight and loosened the still attached shackle. Trip's limp form slumped down and would have hit the floor, hadn't it been for Archer tightening his grip around his friend. Due to the body contact, Archer felt the heat emanating from Trip again. His friend was burning up. They needed to get him out of here. A glance at Malcolm showed him, his tactical officer had already taken care of the situation.

"I've tried to hail Enterprise. No response. We are too deep we need to get up a few floors." Malcolm knelt next to one of his men, the one that was struck down first. The man slowly regained consciousness and Malcolm mercilessly shook him awake. They needed to go.

Archer nodded in understanding in Malcolm's direction and lifted Trip in his arms. He didn't care about the weight, carrying his friend like a child in front of his chest, Trip's head resting against his shoulder. There was only one thing, Archer could think of now: Bringing Trip to safety. He passed by Malcolm who just in that moment helped his crewman to the feet and barely registered them grabbing the second crewman. It was like running on autopilot, all Archer felt was the limp form in his arms and the heat coming from the body. When he glanced down, he could see Trip's flushed face. Dark circles under the sunken eyes. At least he was breathing regularly.

Miraculously, no one crossed their way. Archer thanked who ever was responsible for that. The way upstairs was exhausting, the steps were high and Trip got heavier every minute. The muscles in Archer's arm were burning, but he refused any help Malcolm offered. Trip was his responsibility, he had brought his friend into this situation, he would get him out of here.

Finally Malcolm's communicator beeped. When he answered, he ordered an immediate transport and requested Phlox' presence at the transporter.

Archer felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. They would get out of here, Trip would be safe. On the outside, Jon still wore his straight captain's face, but on the inside he could barely hold his feelings in check. He clutched Trip even closer to his body. Just when he felt the transporter working its magic, he saw two guards running towards them. Closing his eyes, Archer exhaled and knew his next breath would be on Enterprise. 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: A lot of thinking is going on in this one...

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Two days had passed. Two days in which the crew steered clear of their Captain wherever possible. Archer was restless and grumpy to say the least. He was barking at crewman for no particular reason. Word was, he had only looked out the window when T'Pol briefed him about the events during his capture and dismissed her without another word. Even Porthos watched his master with wary eyes.

Everybody knew the reason for that. Commander Tucker was still unconscious and Phlox stayed with him day and night. They might have gotten their Chief Engineer back, but he was fighting for his life in sickbay.

Jon sat on his bed and did what he was always doing when he needed to let off steam. He slammed his water polo ball against the wall. Again and again. He knew his behaviour towards the crew was not excusable, but he couldn't help himself. And he knew his crew wouldn't hold it against him. They were all well aware of the friendship between the Captain and the Chief Engineer. And everybody on Enterprise worried for the Commander's life. But not everybody was responsible for getting him in that situation in the first place. Archer slammed the ball against the wall again. The force shook the stuff on his shelf. He pictured Gregorus' face on the wall and threw the ball again and again. Finally the shelf gave away and its contents shattered to the ground. Angrily Jon threw the ball in one corner of the room and almost jumped of the bed and started pacing. Porthos watched his master with wary eyes. He lay curled up on his pillow and didn't dare to move.

Jon knew why he was so agitated. He felt the guilt burning inside him. Burning like the fever had burned inside Trip. A fever he was guilty of causing. Rationally, Archer knew it wasn't really his fault, but the thought was nagging in his mind. The fact that he had caved in after Trip came to him, asking for permission to join him. It wasn't a mission for the Chief Engineer, but there was also no need for a tactical officer or a science officer. It was supposed to be a first contact mission. Some small talk, a dinner and the exchange of courtesy. But still, not exactly the mission for an Engineer. Jon pondered to exclude Trip from first mission contacts in the future, but dismissed the thought immediately. That wouldn't be the solution. Deep down, Archer knew what the reason for his thought was. His feelings for Trip, the over-protectiveness. Jon stopped in his tracks. How would he have reacted if it had been Malcolm? He would still be upset, he would still be angry and he would worry for his tactical officer, but not as much as for Trip.

Jon sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. No, this wasn't only the worry for a colleague. It wasn't even the worry for a friend. Archer knew it. He had known it for a long time, but suppressed the feelings. But now it was time to admit them to himself. If he ever wanted to come clean with this, if he ever wanted to act normal again, he had to stand by them. Sighing he lifted his head and looked at Porthos.

"This won't be easy, buddy." The dog tilted his head and wiggled its tail. Archer smiled for the first time in days. "Come here, Porthos." The beagle leaped up in its master's arms. Feeling the tension dropping Archer huggled the furry ball. "I guess, I should pay a visit to sickbay." He stroked the dog for a few minutes, enjoying the contact with the little dog. The anger faded away, however the worry stayed. And so did the fear. The fear what Trip would do, if he told him everything. It wasn't exactly fair to put Trip into that position, Jon knew. But what other choice did he have? He just hoped it wouldn't completely destroy their friendship.

Giving the dog one last squeeze, Archer stood up and went to the door. "Wish me luck, Porthos." He smiled when the beagle looked at him with gleaming eyes and wiggled its tail.

Archer pressed the button to open the door and stepped outside. He felt relieved he had finally reached a decision, one with an unknown outcome, but a necessary one. He smiled at passing crewman on his way to sickbay and was happy to receive smiles in return. The crew wouldn't hold a grudge on him. At least that worry was out of the way. 


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: OK, this is going to be very sappy... Sorry :o)

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When he reached sickbay he took one deep breath before he pushed the door opener. Phlox turned from the bench he was working at and smiled his usual bright smile at seeing the Captain.

"Captain! Can I help you?"

"Hello doc, uhm, I was wondering, uhm..." Archer stuttered and mentally kicked himself. He felt like a fifth grader asking for permission to go to the toilet.

"Ah, Commander Tucker is doing well. I was quite worried for some time, but his injuries are healing quite nicely. He should regain consciousness in a while." The doctor beamed and worked with his hands to underline his words. "Would you like to see him?"

Archer was still processing what the doctor had said. Trip was going to be alright. Another stone was lifted from his heart. "Uhm, sure." He followed the doctor to the area with the biobeds. One of them was hidden behind a curtain. 'I'll take curtain number three,' Jon thought and grinned, picturing Trip who would have said something like that. However the smile faded when the doctor pulled the curtain aside and revealed the still form of Commander Tucker. The otherwise so vital Trip lay silent on the biobed, his face as pale as the white blanket covering him.

"Don't judge from his appearance. His body went through a lot of stress and he had a hard time the last two days. But his stubborn personality got him through the ordeal. I won't bore you with the details, just be assured he will be fine. Mr Tucker will be on his feet in no time and delight us all with his free spoken mind again." Phlox smiled at the Captain. "Take your time. I will be back there," he nodded to the bench he was working on earlier, "if you need me." That said, Phlox pulled the curtain close behind Archer and left him alone with Trip.

Archer clenched his hands nervously. He heard the doctor working behind the curtain, the calming hum of the warp reactor, the low rustle of Phlox' animals in their cages and the shallow but steady breathing of Trip. Taking a deep breath himself, Archer closed the last meter to the biobed and looked down at his friend. His feelings were in uproar, even more than in the last two days. Seeing Trip dragged the memories of their capture even clearer in his mind. He could hear Trip scream in agony, the pleading looks, the horror in his friend's eyes, the panic. All came back at once and Archer needed to steady himself with his hands. The rush of emotions was overwhelming and tears were pressed to his eyes. He had never expected for it to be so strong. After all it wasn't the first time they had been in danger. It wasn't the first time one of them was hurt. Nevertheless this was the first time Archer allowed his feelings to get in the way. All the time he had denied them, buried them, but that couldn't work forever. It was time. Jon closed his eyes and took another deep breath. When he opened his eyes again a single tear rolled down his cheek. Trip hadn't moved. Archer couldn't tell if his friend was merely sleeping or still unconscious, but it didn't matter. He needed to talk now. He knew it wasn't fair since Trip wouldn't be able to respond or even understand anything, but he would use this as a dry run. A last practice test before he would confront a conscious Trip.

Jon lifted one hand and brushed a strand of hair out of Trip's face. His other hand found Trip's and squeezed it carefully. Archer smiled, even after Trip had gone through the whole ordeal, he looked handsome and so young. Jon pictured Trip's smiling face before his inner eye and a warm feeling spread inside is body. He sighed.

"I'm so sorry." Archer's voice was only a whisper. "It's my fault, you're lying in this bed now. I should have protected you, I should have done something to prevent Gregorus from hurting you." The tears welled up in his eyes again. "It tears me apart to see you like this. You should be in engineering, smiling, laughing and joking around. Not lying in sickbay, fighting for your life." Archer swallowed hard. All this didn't sound right. And it wasn't what he really wanted to say. He was avoiding it again. No more hiding. Archer steeled himself and blinked a few times before he looked directly at Trip. "What I really want to say... Well, we have been friends for a long time. I always enjoyed our time together, perhaps a little more than you know. In fact, I like you, really like you, but it's more than a feeling for a friend. Trip... I... I love you." With the words finally said out loud a big load was lifted from his heart. He felt good, even though he knew he would have to say it again. But it would be much easier the next time. At least he hoped so.

He felt a great relief, and with the relief, the tears came. This time he hadn't the strength to fight them. His knees buckled and he sunk down next to the biobed, his face touching Trip's bare arm, wetting it with his tears. He cried silently, just hoping the doctor wouldn't choose this moment to check on Trip. After a few minutes he found his composure and stood up again. He used his sleeve to dry his face and sighed. This wasn't like him. He was the Captain he was supposed to be the strong one. But this time it seemed he had to give in to his emotions. He feared he would loose it in front of Trip, when he would tell him all this. He just hoped, Trip would understand, would not hate him, not stop to respect him. Jon sighed. It was time to go, he took his chance and carefully caressed Trip's cheek before he stepped back and pulled the curtain aside. With one last glance at Trip he pulled it close again.

Phlox had turned from his work again and looked at him expectantly.

"When do you think, will he regain consciousness?" Archer hoped his voice sounded steady.

"It's hard to tell. I could wake him, but it would be better for him to rest until his body is ready to regain consciousness and he wakes on his own."

"There is no need to wake him." Archer went to the door and pushed the button to open it. "Just call me if there's any change, would you?"

"Of course, Captain."

Archer couldn't read the doctor's expression. He couldn't tell if the doctor had heard anything spoken at Trip's bedside. But Archer was confident that, if the doctor had heard anything it would never leave sickbay. "Thank you, doctor." 


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Still sort of sappy...

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It took Trip another two days to step back into the conscious world. By then his wounds were almost completely healed, thanks to Dr. Phlox' many animal helpers and the imaging chamber. Archer had visited at least twice a day and had happily noticed the change in Trip's appearance. The colour had returned to his face, the dark circles under his eyes slowly disappeared and his breathing got stronger. Archer had even noticed movement when he took Trip's hand in his.

Archer was on the bridge when the final call from Phlox came.

"Sickbay to the Captain."

"Go ahead." Archer forced his voice to be calm and steady despite his emotions that feared for the worst and hoped for the redemptive words at the same time.

"Mr. Tucker has regained consciousness."

A wave of relief and joy washed through the bridge crew and Archer smiled at T'Pol. "Thank you, doctor. Tell him, we are all very happy to see him up and well again."

"Will do, Phlox out."

The message from the doctor seemed to have broken the ban. The tip-toeing around the Captain stopped, the teasing started again and the conversations returned above whispering volume.

Jon felt as if this was the longest shift in his life. True, as the Captain he could have walked out and put T'Pol in charge, but as eager as he was to see Trip, as frightened he was. He couldn't really concentrate and was glad that it was a quiet day. As he got edgier every minute, he decided that he would spend the rest of his shift in his ready room. Hopefully filing some open reports.

"T'Pol, I will be in my room." He finally announced and stood up.

"Yes Captain."

Archer had the feeling all of his bridge crew were looking at him as he practically fled to his room. When the door closed behind him, he felt relief washing through him. Now that the day finally had come to tell Trip the truth, the doubt came as well. Was it the right thing to do? Maybe he should act like before and try to bury his feelings again. But he knew that wasn't an option anymore. Having it spoken out aloud had sealed his fate. Even if he wanted to, Archer knew, he could never look at Trip again without thinking of what might be, if he had told him. He feared Trip's reaction, he feared what might happen if Trip freaked out on him. Maybe he should postpone his confession. Trip was still recovering, maybe it wasn't that good to upset him like that. Maybe he would suffer a shock. Maybe... Stop it! Archer cursed himself. He knew he was searching for reasons so he could chicken out. He looked at the time on his monitor. Still one hour left. He would go insane in that time. He needed to stop thinking, but how could he? Perhaps he should practice what he was going to say...

"Computer, start recording..." Archer stared at the pictures on his wall, not knowing how to start. Then he had an idea. "Hi Trip. I recorded this shortly after Phlox informed us you've regained consciousness. I've decided two days ago to tell you something and I actually did tell you. But you weren't asleep, so I knew I had to tell it again. But I don't know if I have the guts to tell you in person. So let's say this is some sort of a backup. First, I want to tell you how sorry I am. It was my fault you had to endure so much pain. The memory of your screams and your frightened face haunts me still. I'm so very sorry. I hope you understand why I couldn't yield to Gregorus' demands, I just wish he would have taken me instead of you. I can't even guess how horrible it must have been for you to be told I had abandoned you. Be assured I would never do that. Computer pause..." Archer ruffled through his hair, frustrated. This just wouldn't sound right. He couldn't justify what he had done, or more precisely, hadn't done. All what he was saying sounded false.

"Computer resume recording. Trip, I need to apologize. All I've said just doesn't sound right and it doesn't express what I really mean. I can't justify what had happened because it is not to justify. Nothing of it was right, but I couldn't change it. I...I... Damn. If I can't find the right words now, how am I supposed to find the right words, when I stand before you? I guess all I can say is how sorry I am and that I hope you can forgive me. And I want you to know you can always come to me if you need to talk. I will always be your friend. I need you to know that before I'll tell you something else." Archer sighed. "Trip, what I will tell you know might come as a shock. I just hope you won't hate me afterwards. We have been friends for eight years now and I want to continue our friendship. But I need to be honest with you. I just can't ignore it anymore. Oh man, this will be hard. Ok... Trip, you know I like you. I've liked you from the first moment we've met. But I like you more than a friend. I've had these feelings for a long time now, but I always felt, they might destroy our friendship and I didn't want to loose that. I still don't want that to happen. But during our capture I had to realize I couldn't suppress those feelings anymore. You might ask now why I still could let all that happen. Well, it wasn't easy, believe me. I had to make a decision and it was the hardest decision in my life. I had to choose Enterprise and the crew over you. Over the man I love..." Archer stopped for a moment. He would loose Trip, he knew it. He would loose the man he loved and he would loose the friendship. It wasn't too late, he could still stop all this from happening. It was only a recording. A mere command and the computer would delete the message. But it wouldn't really change anything. Trip wasn't stupid, he would know something was different. Jon could never hide all his feelings again. He sighed again. "There, I said it. Yes Trip. I love you. And it's not the love for a friend. No, it's more. Way more. I just hope you won't hate me now. And you can understand why I had to act as the Captain down on that godforsaken planet and not as a lover." Archer looked at the time again. He opened his eyes in surprise. The recording had taken almost the entire hour. "I hope this will clear things up a little, but I'm afraid I haven't made much sense. Please don't hate me. Archer out. Computer end recording." Jon downloaded the file onto a data pad and stuffed it in his pocket. It would be his lifeline... If he would fail, he would leave Trip the data pad. One last glance at the time confirmed that his shift was over and he left his ready room. The bridge crew had already changed and so he thankfully hadn't to endure curious looks from Malcolm and the others.

Archer quickly crossed the bridge and stepped into the lift. When the door closed he felt for the data pad in his pocket and hit the button for E deck. He went straight to sickbay. 


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: A little setback in this one... Stay tuned :)

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"Hello Captain!" Phlox greeted him joyfully.

"Hello doctor. I would like to see Commander Tucker." Jon's heart was beating forcefully and fast in his chest.

"Sorry Captain, Commander Tucker isn't here anymore. He asked for a release to his quarters and since nothing spoke against that, I sent him straight there." Phlox eyed the Captain curiously.

Archer had a hard time to keep his face in check. Every second longer fuelled his doubts in telling Trip everything, but he managed to thank Phlox and almost stumbled out of sickbay and made his way to Trip's quarters.

He was just glad he didn't run into anyone on his way. When he reached the door of Trip's quarters he hesitated again. Was it really the right thing to do? The fear someone could walk by and see him standing in front of this door made him to shake off the bad feeling and push the chime. It took a while until he heard a quiet voice.

"Come in."

Jon took one last deep breath and opened the door. Stepping in he looked around. The room was dark. He hadn't woken Trip, had he? He waited until his eyes adjusted to the dark surroundings. "Trip?"

"I'm here." The voice came from the window. It was then Archer saw the silhouette of his friend.

Archer made a step in Trip's direction, unsure what to make of this. "Phlox told me, he released you."

"Yeah."

Archer made another step. This was weird. Trip was acting strange, but that wasn't really a surprise, after all he had gone through. After all the bastards had manipulated his memories. As far as Trip knew he had been in that hellhole for six months enduring all sorts of torture.

"I... I just wanted to check on you and ask if you need anything." This wasn't the conversation Archer had imagined.

"I'm fine."

Archer closed the last meter to his friend and stretched out his hand to touch Trip on the shoulder. "Trip I..." When his hand made contact with Trip's body the other man whirled around and pushed him away and stepped back, panting heavily. In the dim light of the passing lights Archer could make out Trip's frightened face and it tore him apart to see Trip still haunted and afraid. He stepped back and held out his hands. "Sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry."

"Leave," Trip said with a trembling voice, stepping back further.

"I just wanted to talk..."

"Leave!"

"Trip, please. I..."

"Cap'n, please leave." There it was again, the pleading voice that spoke of fear.

"Alright. Maybe we can talk later. In the meantime," Archer fumbled the data pad from his pocket and put it on Trip's bed, "I'll leave you this. It's probably not what you want to hear right now, but maybe you could listen to it." Archer went back to the door. Before he pushed the door opener, he turned again. "I'm sorry Trip, for everything that happened. I'm really really sorry, I wish I could undo it." With that he pushed the button and left the room. 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Ok, only one to go after this one...

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Archer walked the way back to his quarters in trance. What had just happened? Trip was terrified. What the hell had Gregorus done to him? And why was he so frightened of him? Archer was devastated. He didn't know if it was the best idea to leave that data pad at Trip's quarters, but how else should he tell him? How else could he show Trip how much he meant to him?

When Jon entered his quarters Porthos ran to him but immediately sensed his master's mood and stayed quiet. Archer didn't pay attention to the dog but fell down on his bed and rolled himself together. The beagle however didn't give up that easily, hopped on the bed and pushed his master's arm so long with his snout till Archer cradled the dog in his arms. It was then when he began to sob quietly. Everything had been going downhill since the first message from Gregorus and he had no idea how to fix all this. At least in his quarters he didn't have to be the strong Captain, in here he could be the vulnerable Jon he felt like now.

It took a while till the tears subsided and he fell into a light sleep. Porthos never left his side. And it was the dog who first heard the silent knock. He lifted his head and cocked it. When the sound repeated he stood up and nudged his snout against Archer's cheek. The Captain was awake instantly.

"What it is, Porthos?" Blinking a few times, he looked around then he heard the knock. Frowning, he got up and went to the door. He looked at Porthos who was standing on the bed, wiggling his tail. So the dog wasn't suspicious. Archer opened the door and looked stunned at the visitor.

"Trip!"

"Can I come inside?" Trip wasn't looking at him, his body language told of uneasiness.

"Sure, come on in." Archer stepped aside to let his visitor in. Trip pushed by quickly and started to pace right in the spot Jon did two days before.

Archer watched his friend warily. "Can I...," Archer started but was interrupted.

"I've checked the logs. We have been on that planet for only a few hours. That doesn't make any sense. I know I have been down there for almost six months. I have the memories, how can that be?" Trip never stopped pacing, his gaze fixed on the floor.

"We think Gregorus used some sort of memory altering technology," Archer tried to explain. "Phlox found indication for that with his scans." He had no idea how it must be to have memories about something that had never happened.

"But I remember everything. Every damn day. Every...", Trip stopped himself and came to a halt. "I remember what they did to me." He added silently.

"I'm so sorry Trip, it's all my fault."

"No!" Trip's head shot up and looked at Archer the first time. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known what Gregorus was planning."

"No, but I did nothing to stop him from hurting you."

"There was nothing you could have done. Not without endangering Enterprise." Trip's voice was steady now, reasonable. "We know that things can go wrong, but we have the duty to protect the ship and crew. I know that and you know that. I don't judge you for your actions. You did what was necessary."

"But for what prize. What have they done to you Trip?"

"I've listened to your recording," Trip said out of the blue after a moment of silence.

It was the first time Archer noticed the data pad in Trip's hand. "Oh."

"I didn't know."

"You weren't supposed to. I didn't want it to destroy our friendship."

"But now you do?"

"No! It's all said in the recording. I just can't suppress the feelings anymore. The time on the planet, seeing you that hurt, had pulled it all to the surface again. I can't deny them anymore and I think I owe it to you to tell you the truth." Archer found it surprisingly easy to speak it out loud now in front of Trip.

"I'm glad you did." Trip's voice was very low but he held Archer's gaze.

"You are?" Archer asked dumbfounded.

"Yes," Trip answered simply.

"So, you're not mad at me? You're not going to freak out on me?" Archer was still too stunned to really grab the situation.

"Jon, the feeling is mutual." Trip smiled.

Archer could just gawp at Trip. 


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Well, that's it... thanks for everyone who stayed with me and lots of thanks to everyone who offered feedback. Maybe you all can tall me what you think of the story as a whole :) Hope you enjoyed it :)

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The meaning of what Trip had just said finally sunk in. "You mean...?" Archer looked disbelievingly.

"Yes Jon."

And the day had taken another turn. From hopeless to wonderful. Jon's legs began to quiver and he sat down heavily on his bed. "That's really not what I've expected. I was hoping for it, but never dreamt it to come true." He looked up at Trip. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I think you know why." Trip smiled at him and stuffed the data pad in his pocket. "I was afraid you would freak out on me. We are some chumps, huh?"

"Yeah..." Archer smiled back. His feelings were doing backflips and suddenly a bunch of butterflies seemed to have found their way into his stomach. And the guilt crawled back in as well. "How can you not hate me?"

"Why should I hate you?"

"Because I let it all happen..."

"Jon, it wasn't your fault. I told you that. I would have done the same if situation reversed."

Suddenly Jon remembered something. "You've never answered my question. What have they done to you?" Archer instantly regretted the question when Trip flinched and lowered his gaze.

"Nothing, we were there only a couple of hours, remember?" Trip started pacing again.

"I've seen the wounds, Trip. And I've seen the device, but more important I have seen your eyes and your reactions. They've tortured you. Most of it may be faked memories, but that doesn't make it unreal to you." Trip had stopped at the window, his back to Archer. Jon stood up and approached him slowly, determined not to make the same mistake twice. He stopped next to Trip, keeping a distance so not to hem him in. "What happened in that room Trip? What have they done to you?"

"Does it matter? It never really happened."

"It matters to you. For you it was real. Please don't bottle it up. You don't have to talk to me, but please talk to someone. It will help you."

Trip sighed. "The usual. Sleep deprivation, beatings, starving me out. Telling me you were dead, that they have seized Enterprise, that sort of things."

"I'm sorry." Archer wished he could take Trip in his arms and just hold him, but he was afraid how Trip would react. And his gut told him, there was something more. Something didn't add up here. Suddenly he remembered Trip's face when Gregorus had his arm around him, the horror, the terrified look that spoke of so much more. And Gregorus' last words echoed in his mind: 'The boy is just a toy'. Archer felt sick. Please lord tell me I'm overreacting here. He turned so he could look at Trip's face. He took in the clenched jaw, the trembling hands, the haunted eyes and knew it was the truth. "What did Gregorus do to you?"

Trip flinched as if Jon had hit him. "I just told ya."

"He touched you, didn't he?"

"Of course he touched me! You've seen that!" Trip's voice was evidence enough.

"That's not what I meant."

Trip turned and looked at Archer, his eyes were full of disgust and hatred. "What d'you want to hear? That after a couple of months the beatings weren't enough anymore? That Gregorus grew tired of my stubbornness, that he searched for other ways to break me? That the guards dragged me to that godforsaken room, stripped me and tied me to a chair? That at first Gregorus just stared at me? That after a while he started touching me? That a week later the guards didn't tie me to the chair but onto a table? That..." Trip's voice broke at that point. His body was shaking, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Archer stared in horror, he had suspected something like this, but to actually hear it from Trip made it only worse. "God Trip, I'm so sorry..." He lifted his arms and but hesitated to make use of them. Finally he carefully put his hands on Trip's arms and when the younger man didn't flinch away he pulled him close.

Jon knew he had done the right thing when Trip clasped him tight as if it was the only thing that kept him alive. When he felt Trip's knees buckle he lowered them both to the ground, never losing the embrace. Sobs shook Trip's body, his tears were wetting Jon's uniform. It took a long time till the sobs subsided. Jon couldn't do much to help. So he just held Trip tight, stroked soothing circles on his back and spoke calming words.

Finally Trip loosened his tight grip and sat up a little. "I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry about! I'm just glad I could hold you, maybe offer a little comfort."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Maybe we should get up from the floor. First I'm not sure my back is allowing this position much longer and secondly I fear Phlox will send his leeches after me for not taking care of his patient adequately." It was a stupid joke but it served its purpose and coaxed a smile on Trip's face. Archer stood up again and stretched his hand out to pull Trip to his feet. A second later he had to reach out for Trip and steady the man, cause he had started to sway. "You ok?"

"Just dizzy."

"Maybe we should go to see Dr. Phlox."

"No. I think I'm just tired." Trip rubbed his hands against his swollen eyes.

"Ok, I'll bring you back to your quarters." Archer took the liberty to stroke soothingly over Trip's hair.

"Actually, I'd prefer not to go there. I really don't want to be alone right now." Trip's voice took on the begging tone again that Archer hated so much. Trip had never begged.

"Whatever you want Trip. You can stay here, or we can go back to your quarters. I will be there for you."

"I feel save here. If it's ok with you." Trip was still acting as if everything would blow up in his face every second now. Archer needed to convince his friend without putting too much stress on him. So he slowly took Trip's head in his hands and waited for a second if the other man would flinch away. When nothing happened he put his forehead against Trip's, locking eyes.

"I meant everything I said in that message. I need you to know that I will always be there for you. I will always help and support you without regard in every way I can. You don't have to be afraid. And you can stay in my quarters whenever you like. I'm sure Porthos is ok with that." Archer smiled and was glad when he received a smile in return.

"Thank you." Trip closed the last few centimeters and gave Jon a quick and shy kiss.

Jon could have jumped in circles. The brief contact of their lips felt better than everything he had imagined. "You're welcome." He gave Trip a friendly push in direction of the bed and watched still with astonishment how his hopefully soon-to-be lover crawled in the bed. This time he hesitated only a second till he followed him. For a moment they lay side by side in an awkward silence.

Trip was the first to speak again. "Could you... Would you..." he stuttered.

"Yes?"

"Would you just hold me?" His blue eyes were fixed on Jon and he wondered how Trip was able to put so much different emotions in them, fear, hope, trust, love, even a little smirk. Jon loved those blue eyes. Smiling he skidded a bit towards Trip.

"Sure come here." He lifted one arm to give Trip room to snuggle in. It took them a while to find a comfortable position but in the end Jon spooned Trip from behind and put his arm around his waist. "You're ok like this?"

"Perfectly."

Porthos chose that moment to remind them of his presence by jumping on the bed and sitting down in front of Trip, looking expectantly.

"No Porthos, get down." Archer reached out with his hand to pat the dog, but Trip interrupted him.

"It's fine, let him stay." He lifted an arm and the dog immediately snuggled to his chest. Smiling Trip put his arm around the furry ball and huggled the dog. "I feel even more save between you two."

"Ok, as you wish. But don't complain later, because he got pushy." Jon propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at the couple before him. Grinning, he took in the view and fumbled for the blanket to pull it over them. After accomplishing that mission, the only thing left to do was switching of the light and pushing his hand back between Trip's stomach and the dog. "I don't believe it. I have finally the man I love in my arms and have to share him with my dog."

That caused a brief chuckle from Trip. "Thanks Jon." There was no humour in that voice anymore. The seriousness had come back.

"You're welcome. Sleep tight. Don't be afraid, I will chase the ghosts away."

Trip snuggled even closer to Jon and finally closed his eyes.

Jon followed a moment later. Knowing that it wouldn't be easy. That it had been a rough start to say the least. But it was a start.

He expected the nightmares that came later. He held Trip close when the panic came. He was there to listen and offer words of comfort. They had a long way ahead of them, but they would make it. Together.

And on one thing they agreed quickly as a rule for away missions: Never again without a weapon for protection.

The End 


End file.
